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THE CHARGE OF THE FRIGHT BRIGADE!

(with apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson)

 

Half a yard, half a yard,

Half a yard onward

Straight through the Aldi doors

Charged the six hundred

‘Forward, the Fright Brigade!

Charge for the shelves!’ he said

Straight through the Aldi doors

Barged the six hundred.

 

‘Forward the Fright Brigade!’

Panic-stricken and dismayed

Idiots without a clue

As they plundered

Theirs not to make reply

Theirs not to reason why

Theirs just to BUY! BUY! BUY!

Right through the Lidl doors

Crashed the six hundred

 

Bog rolls to the right of them

Pasta to the left of them

Crowded aisles in front of them

Pushing and shoving

Pensioners can go to Hell

Boldly they snatched as well

Soup, beans, sanitizer gel

Charging through Morrisons doors

Panicked the six hundred

 

Flashed all their banknotes bare

Flashed as they turned to swear

Wheelchairs ‘Get out of here!’

Barging an army while

Those with sense wondered

Plunging with push and poke

Straight for the tills to choke

Sainsbury’s gone up in smoke

Pillaged and plundered

Smashing through Tesco’s doors

The nutcase six hundred

 

Coffee to the left of them

Tea bags to the right of them

Bare shelves behind them

Volleyed and thundered

Storming in panic’s swell

Onward! they must not dwell

They that have crushed so well

Selfish and greedy – sod off the needy!

While conscience and manners fell

Trampled the six hundred

 

When will their panic fade?

O the wild charge they made!

All the world wondered

Dishonourable, the charge they made

Dishonourable, the Fright Brigade

Ignoble six hundred

 

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(Thursday, 19^th March 2020)