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THE CHARGE OF THE FRIGHT BRIGADE!
(with apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson)
Half a yard, half a yard,
Half a yard onward
Straight through the Aldi doors
Charged the six hundred
‘Forward, the Fright Brigade!
Charge for the shelves!’ he said
Straight through the Aldi doors
Barged the six hundred.
‘Forward the Fright Brigade!’
Panic-stricken and dismayed
Idiots without a clue
As they plundered
Theirs not to make reply
Theirs not to reason why
Theirs just to BUY! BUY! BUY!
Right through the Lidl doors
Crashed the six hundred
Bog rolls to the right of them
Pasta to the left of them
Crowded aisles in front of them
Pushing and shoving
Pensioners can go to Hell
Boldly they snatched as well
Soup, beans, sanitizer gel
Charging through Morrisons doors
Panicked the six hundred
Flashed all their banknotes bare
Flashed as they turned to swear
Wheelchairs ‘Get out of here!’
Barging an army while
Those with sense wondered
Plunging with push and poke
Straight for the tills to choke
Sainsbury’s gone up in smoke
Pillaged and plundered
Smashing through Tesco’s doors
The nutcase six hundred
Coffee to the left of them
Tea bags to the right of them
Bare shelves behind them
Volleyed and thundered
Storming in panic’s swell
Onward! they must not dwell
They that have crushed so well
Selfish and greedy – sod off the needy!
While conscience and manners fell
Trampled the six hundred
When will their panic fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered
Dishonourable, the charge they made
Dishonourable, the Fright Brigade
Ignoble six hundred
* * * * *
(Thursday, 19th March 2020)